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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27059281">Home Is Where The Heart Is</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyAndDanno/pseuds/BuckyAndDanno'>BuckyAndDanno</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV), Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:07:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,249</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27059281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyAndDanno/pseuds/BuckyAndDanno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble. Bobby doesn't accept Buck back. Buck knows where his true family is. The 118 never knew him at all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>338</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just a little drabble I wrote on the bus. I might make it multi chap. Depends on if y'all want to see Buck go back to Chicago?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The feeling of elation that hits him when Bobby calls is overwhelming. Even if he doesn't know what the man's going to say, the fact that he's called him, asked him to meet the team, surely that's enough, right?</p>
<p>Surely it means he's going back to work.</p>
<p>Yet the smug smirk on Eddie's face, the dissapointment on Bobby's, when he arrives, shatters everything he had left within himself.</p>
<p>He's not going back.</p>
<p>He can see that now.</p>
<p>"The department gave me the option of transferring you." Bobby is saying, and Evan's heart just breaks. "I agreed. It's up to you where you go, just not the 118."</p>
<p>Evan can only stand there, dumbfounded, the while Eddie (clearly drunk, and doesn't that worry Evan when the man surely doesn't deserve it) just snickers.</p>
<p>"What? You thought we were gonna forgive and forget?"</p>
<p>Maybe it's the complete dismissal by his (former) best friend, but something inside Evan snaps.</p>
<p>"I guess it was too much to hope for." He says, voice hard and cold. "But... Fine, Captain Nash. You win. I don't even know why I ever thought we were a family, because clearly... This is nothing close. I just can't believe I gave up my real family for... For this."</p>
<p>He scoffs, shaking his head. "Finding myself..." The laugh that escapes him is unknown to the members of the 118, watching him curiously. It's dark and fettered with grief. "Didn't I just lose myself all over again?"</p>
<p>Eyes snapping back up to Bobby, frozen and unyeilding, he says. "I choose 51. Least I know they have my back."</p>
<p>Then he turns, and he doesn't look back.</p>
<p>He's not going back.</p>
<p>He doesn't want to go back.</p>
<p>Then Hen's confused voice reaches him, and he almost laughs at how little they ever really got to know him. "51? That's Chicago?"</p>
<p>"Home sweet home!"</p>
<p>Then he's out the door and into the night.</p>
<p>It's the last time he sees them for a long while.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for all the love guys! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The frigid air of a Chicago winter hits him like a balm. Snow drifts through the air, piling up on the sidewalk. The red brick buildings radiate familiarity and comfort.</p>
<p>And the firehouse...</p>
<p>Well, isn't she a sight for sore, battered eyes?</p>
<p>In truth, Evan had never wanted to leave Chicago, but losing the love of your life tended to swiftly sour any happy memories of a place. It tended to leave one drifting and unmoored.</p>
<p>So he'd gone in search of himself and thought he'd found new happiness in LA.</p>
<p>Now he wishes he'd never left his true family to begin with.</p>
<p>Slipping into the open truck bay, he heads straight up to Boden's office. The two had talked through his transfer and reinstatement. With the blood thinners now less of an issue, and knowing his skills, Boden was happy to place him back on Squad.</p>
<p>He couldn't wait to see his brother's face.</p>
<p>He hugs his pseudo father tight, tears in his eyes, and thanks him.</p>
<p>"You never needed anyone's permission to come home." Boden replies.</p>
<p>Evan's heart swells.</p>
<p>Then they're out into the truck bay for roll call. He's hiding out of sight behind the Squad truck, then Boden tells the 51 they're getting a new Squad member and he's stepping out with a grin.</p>
<p>"Room for another Severide?"</p>
<p>The reactions of the 51 are nothing short of what he'd hoped for. He's hugged tightly and swung around and patted on the back and he's pretty sure Shay is screaming, and then Kelly's there.</p>
<p>His brother hasn't changed a bit and the beaming smile on his face tells Evan how much he's been missed. "I knew you'd come home."</p>
<p>Evan's eyes are watery. "Yeah well... I know now that I never should have left."</p>
<p>Kelly's brow furrows at the comment and Evan knows his brother will want the full story. For now he just hugs his elder brother tight. "Mind if I stay with you and Shay-Shay til I get my own place?"</p>
<p>He'd sold the apartment after everything. Too many memories. Too many ghosts.</p>
<p>Shay is beaming. "We'd love nothing more."</p>
<p>Evan can only name a handful of times he's been this happy, and the feeling of belonging - so cruelly ripped away only a short time ago - returns to him in spades.</p>
<p>This is home.</p>
<p>Then they're alone, and Kelly's smile sours a fraction. "Ev..."</p>
<p>Evan sighs. "I'll tell you later, I just..."</p>
<p>Kelly shakes his head. "No. I have to tell you something."</p>
<p>His happiness leaves him amidst confusion, and then, with Kelly's next words, so does all the air in his lungs.</p>
<p>"It's about Jay."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evan blinks at Kelly, breath hitching with hidden sobs. "Wh-what... What do you mean?"</p>
<p>His brother's hand is on his shoulder, but it feels so far away. His entire body is shaking, breathing too quick. He feels like he's going to collapse any minute.</p>
<p>In an instant he's thrown back into memories long shut away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It's any other normal Wednesday, his day off, and he's stood in the kitchen making his fifth cup of coffee when the front door clicks open.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His grin brightens his entire face, quickly rushing to wrap his arms around the man who entered. Burying his head in the crook of the man's neck, Evan whispers. "Missed you."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jay caresses the back of Evan's head, breathing in the other man's scent, but his lips are pursed in a thin line. "I can't stay long."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Evan pulls away with a jerk. "I thought..."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm still in." Jay sighs. "But I couldn't go another day..." He kisses Evan softly. "I needed to see you."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Evan's hands are shaking as Jay takes them. "You're scaring me."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"It's okay." Jay whispers. "Two more days. Then it's done. Then I'm home."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Evan exhales, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Promise?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Have I ever lied to you?" Jay replies with a soft smile.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>For a moment, Evan let's himself relax.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The knock comes less than twenty four hours later.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He opens the door with the widest smile, but stops short when he finds Hank Voight on the other side.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I thought you were..." His voice trails off when he sees the other man's expression; bleak and broken. "...Jay..."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Evan..." Hank's voice is raw, eyes red rimmed, and he just knows.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"No..." Evan stumbles back, legs giving way beneath him like they're suddenly made of jelly. He grips the door tightly, the only thing keeping him from sinking to the ground. "No... He promised... He promised he was coming back!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hank says something, but Evan can barely hear the words.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>"Went wrong... Crossfire... Medical... Did everything..."</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He's underwater, struggling against the tide that threatens to drown him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He can't breathe. He can't...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"YOU SAID YOU WOULD PROTECT HIM!" The scream tears from his throat without warning as everything in him shatters. "YOU SAID HE'D BE SAFE!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hank flinches violently, like the words are a physical blow, and then he's wrapping his arms tightly around Evan, refusing to let go no matter how hard the other man struggles. "I know." He whispers. "I know."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"He promised he'd come back." Evan sobs, fight leaving him as he succumbs to Hank's embrace. "He promised..."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I know kiddo." Hank whispers. "I'm sorry."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Evan just lays in his arms and cries.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Evan? Evan!"</p>
<p>His brother is shaking him as he comes back to, looking panicked, and Evan blinks a few times to clear the past away, watery eyes then boring into his brother.</p>
<p>"Wh..." He clears his throat, hating how weak he sounds. "What do you mean?" He grips his brother's shoulders tight as he repeats himself, forcing his hands to stop shaking.</p>
<p>Kelly swallows visibly, hazel eyes blinking away and then back again.</p>
<p>"He's alive."</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What?” Buck croaks, throat suddenly dry and constricted. He can’t breathe; wheezing gasps lodged somewhere in his chest.</p>
<p>“It was an op.” Kelly replies with a sigh. “Something to do with IA and they needed the guys to think they’d succeeded.”</p>
<p>“Protective custody.” Buck whispers, sinking to his knees and pressing at his eyeballs with the palms of his hands. It’s too much to believe; too much to hope to be true.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“How long?”</p>
<p>There’s a sharp breath from Kelly but his brother doesn’t answer, prompting Buck to lift his head, red rimmed eyes boring into the elder. “How long?!” He repeats, firm, gruff, desperate.</p>
<p>“About two years.”</p>
<p>Buck jerks, stumbling to his feet, head shaking in disbelief. “About two years?” He echoes his brother’s words, raking a shaking hand through his hair. “So… he’s been back, what, six months? None of you thought to tell me?”</p>
<p>“Evan…” Kelly takes a step forward but Buck just inches back until he hits the wall.</p>
<p>“None of you thought to tell me that my fiancé is alive!” He roars, and by now he’s sure they’ve drawn the attention of some of the other firefighters, but he can’t quite bring himself to care. Let them look, let them know what they’ve all kept from him.</p>
<p>“You were happy!” His brother tries, but Buck just shakes his head harder, a dark laugh escaping him.</p>
<p>“I was miserable!” Looking his brother dead in the eye, he says. “It was a fresh start and it was something, but do you really think I was okay? Did you really believe I’d just let him go?!”</p>
<p>“I thought – “</p>
<p>“You thought wrong!” He feels sick, stomach roiling like a turbulent sea, and he just needs to get out of there. For all his joy at returning, the thought of spending the day looking at his brother – knowing how he kept this truth from him for so long – is too much to bear.</p>
<p>So he runs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He finds himself staring up at PD, tears tracking down his face, but he can’t quite bring himself to enter.</p>
<p>He can’t quite bring himself to see Voight, the man he’d thought of as a second father, and know that he’d been betrayed by him. He can’t quite bring himself to see any of them.</p>
<p>Can’t bring himself to see Jay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He goes to monument square, to the memorial; to the carved marble plaque listing the names of the fallen; the heroes of Chicago.</p>
<p>
  <em>Jason B. Halstead</em>
</p>
<p>His fingers trace the smooth indents, as if trying to feel any indication of the lie. Flashes of the funeral spring forth, sending him to his knees on the wet ground.</p>
<p>“Why?” He murmurs softly amidst tears. “Why?”</p>
<p>Soft footsteps trek behind him, unsure and cautious.</p>
<p>“Hey, tiger.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Slowly, unsteadily, Evan turns. “You’re here.”</p>
<p>Jay Halstead smiles back at him, a sight Evan never thought he would get to see again. “I’m here.”</p>
<p>“How?” Evan croaks, taking one step forward and then two more back. His mind is spinning and he doesn’t know whether to hug, kiss or smack the man in front of him.</p>
<p>“It’s a long story.”</p>
<p>The response makes his hands tighten unconsciously. “I got time.” He bites out, and when the other man stays silent, follows with, “Why Jay?”</p>
<p>The other man sighs, bridging the space between them and raising a hand to Evan’s cheek. “I didn’t have a choice.”</p>
<p>Evan flinches away from the touch, shaking his head. “I don’t mean then. I mean now.”</p>
<p>“Honestly?”</p>
<p>“Yes. The truth.”</p>
<p>Jay sighs, stepping away from Evan and raking a hand through his hair. “It took me a while to get settled back in. The end…. It wasn’t how it should have been. Had nightmares. PTSD. By the time I fully came around…” He shakes his head, looking back at Evan. “I know I should have called you the minute I was okay but… I was scared, Evan. I was scared you’d moved on. I…” His voice cracks, cheeks wet. “I was scared there wasn’t a place in your life for me anymore.”</p>
<p>A sob slips from Evan’s lips without thought, feet moving of their own accord to stand before Jay, hand raised to the other man’s cheek. It’s the barest of touches, as if reminding himself that the love of his life is actually there, in the flesh. “You were… are… my life…”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Jay whispers, leaning into the touch. “I’m so damn sorry, Evan.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Evan whispers back, and they both know it isn’t – not really – but in that moment neither can bring themselves to care. “It’s okay.”</p>
<p>“I love you.” Jay raises his own hand to Evan’s cheek, thumb caressing the soft skin.</p>
<p>Evan simply bridges the remaining space between them. “I love you too.”</p>
<p>Their lips meet, and for a long moment, all is right with the world.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hank Voight does not take crap from anyone, but the moment he settles eyes on his nephew – sees the pure fury in the boy’s eyes and the way Jay is stood a few feet behind him, expression warning Hank to be careful – he knows he messed up.</p>
<p>Still, the thwack of Evan’s fist to his jaw is a shock that sends him reeling.</p>
<p>“You ever lie to me again, Uncle Hank, I will make you regret it.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t doubt that. After all, the kid learned from the best.</p>
<p>But then Evan pulls him into a tight hug, and further shock trills through his system.</p>
<p>“But thank you for keeping him safe.”</p>
<p>For once, Hank Voight is speechless, so he simply hugs his nephew back tight, meeting Jay’s eyes over the boy’s shoulder and nodding once.</p>
<p>It’s been rough, the past few years, but he knows they’ll be okay.</p>
  </div></div>
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